After The Rain
There was a time when I never thought I could feel hopeful again. 9/11/2014 will be a date I will never forget. My Queen and I were given the best and worst news of our lives within a 20 minute span. “You’re pregnant!” Was the diagnostic after we had checked into the ER as a result of some intense abdomen pains. We looked at each other in somewhat of bewilderment because this completely took us by surprise. Nevertheless, I was flooded with joyful emotions.
You must understand this about me, all I ever desired to be in life were two things: 1. A great King to a Queen and 2. A great father. So you could only imagine how rapidly my heart was overwhelmed by this news.
In the short midst of my elated emotions, the doctor entered the room with the most devastating news I have ever heard. Our unborn seed was met with complication that lead to an ectopic pregnancy. At the time, ectopic pregnancy was an alien concept in my vocabulary, but I could tell by the doctors tone it wasn’t something to celebrate. So on 9/11/2014, we were given the news that our first birth journey was a miscarriage. I must be honest because I am not sure who this message will reach, but in that moment, as a man of faith, I questioned every ounce of my God concept. It was to the point that I wrestled to defeat in my belief. That’s when I never thought I could feel hopeful again.
One of the greatest visible mysterious is the concept of a rainbow. A transparent, aligned burst of colors in the sky still takes my breath away by the way it suspends itself in the sky after it rains. On 10/16/2017, my rain was replaced with my rainbow. The first time I held my Rainbow Princess against my chest, she reached up and gently placed her hand on my heart. In that moment every pain, hurt, heartache, and disappoint was made whole. Jazzlyn Arielle Gardner is not only my Rainbow baby but the healer of my once broken spirit. - Jason Van Gardner
